docfoul | ⓪③ ; He is already here

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⓪③ ; He is already here

At times, my omniscience allows me to experience a sensation very few of you could possibly understand. That being the case, I will not even try to explain it to you.

Today is an excellent day.

Would anyone care for some candy? I have your favorite.

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[You have none in particular.]

[Enjoy Scratch's weird just-sort-of-shows-up-in-your-head voice.]

[Eh, it beats having to read.]

You said you had my favorite. Give me my favorite, or all of them. I'll also take all of 'em.

[If you have no favorite, then what can I possibly have reserved for you?

Haa haa.
Hee hee.
Hoo hoo.]

Something that'd become a favorite in one bite. Not like it'd have a lotta competition.

Quite right. It was a joke, you see.

[Aaaand now there is magically some candy in front of Greed. Scratch has been prepared all along, clearly.]

[Offhandedly; he can't complain too much, he got a present. He won't marvel at the magic because magic that exists to give him things is a given. Things SHOULD be his. Of course the universes will warp to make it so.] You're kinda bad at jokes. [Well, now he must try to eat it.]

[No, I'm not.

Should you ever wish to visit me, there will be an endless supply of candy waiting for you.]

A joke's no good if it ain't funny, and it's even worse if the guy tellin' it's the only one to laugh.

[At the risk of being rude, I am not here to fulfil your quota of pointless back-and-forth banter. The butler is.]

Now yer just bitter I told you you were bad at jokes. [Munch. Munch.]

[Do not make me repeat myself. The conversation would get boring.]

That's the kinda thing that happens when you make a boring joke.

This line of conversation is silly and nonsensical.

[Munch. Munch.] Yer kinda petty and defensive, too. Didn't you say you were a better guy to talk to when you ain't virused?

[Ah, I am afraid your impression of me may have already been marred by my regrettable behavior during the virus.
Do try to forget about it. Even though it may seem I am arguing with you, I can assure you I mean no offense.]

[munch munch munch munch munch
munch munch munch munch munch... All out of munchies. His hand extends, obviously willing to let the topic drop in exchange for payment in the form of more. Or something new. Or just something.

The meaning is clear: Give me things.]

[My supply is bottomless.] [MORE CANDY FOR YOU, GREED.

And suddenly, the conversation is locked.]

[At least until I die, that is. Although I am as powerful as a god, it is an inevitability. But it is one that I expect and will be prepared for.
Or, at least, it was, until this community came into my life.]

[Oblivious to the lock!]

Hnn. So, this place's yer house's edge, eh? Izzat why when you do the font thing, you go with the green background?

[Very clever.]

....You're not a craps ball?

[Goodness, no.]

Well, anyway. [He'll munch on another one, since the supply is unlimited.] This place means a chance for you to stay alive, right? That's pretty lucky, even just getting a chance to change fate.

[Therein lies the problem, Greed.
You see... I am looking forward to my death.]

[Crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch.] Is yer life that miserable?

[There will come a time when I will have done everything I need to. I will be perfectly content dying then, but not one moment before that.]

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