docfoul | ⓪③ ; He is already here

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⓪③ ; He is already here

At times, my omniscience allows me to experience a sensation very few of you could possibly understand. That being the case, I will not even try to explain it to you.

Today is an excellent day.

Would anyone care for some candy? I have your favorite.

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[I know how much you despise speaking with those who keep circling endlessly around the crux of the matter. I will keep this concise:
The community's intermission, as it lies in my most inscrutable dark pockets, might terminate your supply of candy - and who knows what else - without any warning.]

It's also the thing that makes it possible to get my candy. And a lotta other good things. It's pretty much the best thing I've gotten in years!

[Not everyone can say the same.
Your butler, for instance, would not.]

Are you kidding, the guy loves me.

[And yet, he hates what you represent.
Don't take it personally, though. He does like you.]

He can hate symbols all he wants. I ain't a symbol any more than he's a pink shell on card stock. It's artsy, distinguished to have a little uneasiness about simple stuff, to make it a little complicated. It's no-vo richie. [He probably means nouveau riche.]

[If Scratch could smirk, he would be doing that right now.]

[Anyhow, believe me when I say I understand the gratitude that you and others might have to the community. But to a great part of its users... it is a hindrance.]

Don't get the wrong idea. It's a hindrance to me, too sometimes. Ever got a guy pregnant? I have. I could've gone my whole life without thinkin' about his tits getting bigger 'cause he got knocked up, no matter how hot a babe he was at the time. And you know, trips to Greece ain't as fun as you'd think. I might've got a dog out of the whole thing, but do you know why I got a dog during that virus? Or having my shit--mine, the greediest Greed--end up in other people's hands just because...

[Good, you understand.

You see, Greed, I am my world's first guardian. It is my task to ensure that everything in it goes as it should.]

Oh. Good work.

[You also understand how the community hinders that goal, along with your future supply of candy and other possible treats.]

Ever owned a car?

[I don't need one.]

So, no. That explains it.

[There is a very, very brief - almost imperceptible pause while Scratch's impossibly gifted brain tries to figure out the logic behind Greed's words. ~~While he's at it, he solves a random newspaper crossword too.~~

He goes over the two milliseconds he had allotted to make sense of Greed's words.

He fucking can't.

He's... He's just going to gloss over it.]

[... Would you like a car?]

Sure!

[It was clearly not what he was getting at, but good luck reminding him what he was thinking about before now that you've offered a car.]

[That can eventually be arranged, I am sure... which brings us to the matter I have been trying to address.]

Eventually? So, it's tough even for you and yer magic to just whip up a car, eh? [By the way, he's finished with that candy. His hand extends to the camera clearly demanding more.]

[That is not the case at all. I simply see no reason to give you a car right now.]

[You can have more candy... but it's noticeably less than last time.]

[That's fine. He's really just eating it so he can keep demanding, and getting more.]

Hnnnn. So that's about where it is, somewhere between cheap snacks 'n sweet rides... I see. [Munch.] I see.

[What I am asking for is your assistance, Greed.]

Obviously.

[You are more astute than some of your friends give you credit for.

I must confess I do not yet know when your help will be needed, but I trust I can count on it.]

Some of my friends been talkin' shit about me?

[Not maliciously.]

[video]

material_guy - 2011-11-08 12:22 (UTC) - Expand

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